One Year Ago Today
02 May 2016, Posted by in LifeSo where am I in this little (sic) project? – I am everyplace.
A little background on the last 365 days for everyone to reflect on.
Well 2 days into it, I and my ex-girlfriend saved a tiny baby squirrel from dying. So that was a really good start.
Then a few other things happened that caught me off guard and took me out of sync.
That would be my best friend with a chemical dependency that had a really nice way of destroying everything I had going on inside me. I did what I could to help and none of it was pleasant.
Then later in the year my ex-girlfriend and I gave it another go. That .. ended … not unexpectedly, but none-the-less sadly. It was and still is, a real tear jerker. So there went the rest of the year pretty much in ‘whoa-is-me mode’ while I figured things out. Still it would have been really swell to have her along. We still talk and we have feelings, but you know …..
I HAVE A VAN LOAD TO DUMP, A CARS’S WORTH TO LIVE, A SMARTCAR’S WORTH LEFT TO SELL.
I have ended up signing a new lease because … shit, I gotta live someplace, and I love my windows and the performing arts college next door. It really makes the ridiculous rent I pay worth it. Not to mention with all of my windows, it really really helps with my depression.
I have whittled down my life into four basic groups.
1) Keep
2) Donate
3) Sell
4) Trash
All of which at this point (minus the selling items) will fit into one room.
I live, eat, sleep, work, and play in the Living Room / Kitchenette/ Dinette area. It’s one room with carpet on 7/8 and flooring on the the rest. The bedroom, which is actually as large as the living room, is 1/3 full of stuff to sell and my ex’s stuff she doesn’t have room for.
I QUIT SMOKING.
The truth really is, it’s now the cats’ room. I only go in there to play with the cats, or open the tiny ass window and turn on the fan.
I explained it to my mother (and posted to social media) the following;
I have a van load to dump,
A cars’s worth to live,
A Smartcar’s worth left to sell.
Originally I posted a minivan’s worth to live, but I that has since changed. I could fit my life into my old Honda Accord at this point.
All of my clothes fit into a single large blue Rubbermaid tub. This includes clothes, towels, linens. It does not include my puffy blue it’s-super-cold-out jacket. I only own two pairs of shoes, and one of those pairs of shoes is actually flip-flops. Don’t even say that they don’t count as shoes, if people can include Crocks, I’m including my flip-flops.
I joined up with the Coho Ho Ho crew. I have missed a couple of the seminars so far because the meetings are on a Tuesday and I am down 30+ miles south that day in Federal Way. It’s a bit disappointing, but I keep plugging away.
No hospital trips this year, and only 4 Vet visits. The cats are fat, hairy and healthy.
I have ruthlessly gone through my life and eliminated all that detracts from it. Ok, closer to I have pinpointed those items and I am in the process of removing them. Violence, anger, hatred, oppression, evil …. these things have no place in my life. I wish to remove the trappings of Babylon and move forward to help the world. That … should tell you something.
I have no more time for the hollow discussions of matters that do nothing to enhance life, the actions that detract from it, or the people and words who poison it, I have moved beyond that, above that, below that, away so far from all of that.
AS FAR AS MONEY SAVINGS GOES, I HAVE ALMOST NONE. BUT ALMOST NONE, ISN’T NONE, IT’S BARELY SOME.
I firmly believe that the world is controlled by evil.
I believe as one man I can do nothing to change this, and I will not sacrifice myself or my chance at life to fight a battle I cannot hope to win.
What I CAN do is I can out out into the world, anyplace I am, and help lesson the suffering that evil causes.
Yes, I do believe in God, but I do not worship at any temple, under any dogma. I have learned about God through many religions, faiths, people and places. I do not pretend to know anything about anything, other than what is or is not right for me and me alone. I do not look down on atheists anymore than I look down on Catholics, both of which faiths I do not follow, both faiths of which I have met people of tremendous worth and love. To each his own I say, and really enjoy the time it has freed up in my life not judging people because you know, that’s not my job.
So I just try to to be happy and accepting, loving and forgiving, tough but not hardened, soft but not spongy, ridiculous yet not absurd.
The bad news is is that I am going to have to get another job if I don’t figure out some sort of online money making idea by the end of June. The margins are just too tight here in Seattle, too tight and too expensive. So as far as money savings goes, I have almost none. But almost none, isn’t none, it’s barely some. And that is how you start.
And the one I most proud of, the longest most overdue process in the world, I quit smoking.
There are other things I am sure I am missing in my review, and as I think of them I will just update this page probably for the next day or two.
While my accomplishments did not span the area at 1st thought they would, I am farther a long than I thought I would be after all the setbacks.
I have been practicing my video shooting and editing and I have been working on an original sound track for the site as well. I resolve to shoot, edit, and post at least one video a month from now on. Wearing so many hats at the same time, especially unfamiliar hats, well let’s face it, I bit off a little bit more than I could chew. Still munching though.
I found out that I will need several thousand dollars worth of dental work, which I am hoping to take care of the worst late this year and the rest of it either Mexico or Costa Rica, since even with insurance I can’t afford it. So I will just have to figure it all out.
All in all a good year for me personally when everything is in, sifted, and weighed out. I learned some hard ass lessons, and made some tough choices. At this point in life I measure things in Good Years or Bad Years, or definitely how many of each in a row. Last year was the second toughest in my whole life, only to be outdone by the year before. No bullshit, I was seriously fucked up. It took me a whole year to get to a point most people could have been to within 3 months …… But I’m here. Still. Now. Here.
“You cannot be beaten if you never stop” – paraphrasing Fatty Goodlander
So, that’s exactly what I am not doing, stopping.
Peace and Love
– Shrub
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Shrub (Le Walker)
He has been a Bartender, Manager of Information Systems, Long Distance Over The Road Trucker, Lifeguard, Systems Analyst, Boat Yard Worker, Hacker, InfoSec Professional and a Single Handed Sailor.
He has traveled through several foreign countries and the entire United States, only missing Michigan, Alaska.
He is now focusing on improving living conditions of the peoples that he meets via donations of computers & technology, education & support, and introducing Circular & Blue Economies to help people secure their future locally.